I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
