So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am one with the molecules
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
