We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize