My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
