you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
