we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
