i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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