Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
