hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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