Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
