BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
