one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
