Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
