I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
