Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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