Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
