I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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