I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
