I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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