I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize