i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Are we still banned from the library?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
