Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
