We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
