Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
