dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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