the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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