Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
