guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She's the barista slut.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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