it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
