He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
