he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
