I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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