i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
