you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
