So drunk its hurt
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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