If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Hippo gnu deer
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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