sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
