your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
