After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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