Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
