She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
