You don't have asthma, your pregnant
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
