Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
