I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
