Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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