There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I have post one night stand depression
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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