Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
