So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
