so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
