So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
