I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Never underestimate the power of titties
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
