All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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