I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
