FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
