oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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