In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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