dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
