I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
