Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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