So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
