Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
