all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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