oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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