I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
