Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
