guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
