we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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