I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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