Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
