I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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