The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
