I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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