apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
