A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
