Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
