Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
