Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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