hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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