but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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