Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
